you REALLY thought you'd get away with this shit?!

alright.. i just think it's ridiculous that my mom could think that she has ANY influence on where i end up in life. first of all- she REALLY doesn't care. she used to tell me, "IT'S YOUR LIFE! LIVE IT HOW YOU WANT!" so i'm really thinking that fat amy and her flying monkey neices convinced my mom to act like she ACTUALLY cares about me- although.. if she did ACTUALLY care about me- she'd be encouraging me to be as successful and independent as i can to help me get to where I want in life since this IS MY LIFE. a person learns from their damn mistakes, you idiots. i wouldn't intentionally make the SAME mistakes.. that's just stupid. grandma recognized this and foolishly put her confidence in her niece to help me but failed to recognize that she has her own life and she couldn't give a fuck about me. my mom obviously views her relationship as an optional-care/love situation as she does it whenever it's convenient and beneficial for her. THAT'S NOT HOW PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO ACT. I'M NOT EVEN A FUCKING PARENT AND I'M SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT. the only reason why she wants me near her is so she can get attention for people assuming she's a "caring" and "supportive" parent which SHE CAN'T EVEN FUCKING SPELL THE WORD "SUPPORT" OFF THE TOP OF HER DAMN HEAD. your stupid ass did NOT have me so i could just serve and benefit you your whole life. God put me here for a purpose and it was NOT FOR YOUR FUCKING BENEFIT. i have a life too, idiot. GO WORSHIP YOUR FAVORITE YOUNGER DAUGHTER. SHE'S ALREADY RUINED HER LIFE AND IS DEPENDANT ON YOU. i'm just gonna make everyone realize how fucking selfish and incompetent of a parent you really are if you don't mind your fuckin business. same goes for tubs. go get your damn ged and make yourself useful, so you can actually pay for all those damn kids you have. that's what i don't get.. i complain enough about you idiots on my blog and you care enough to read it all the time but you still don't correct yourselves. it's like.. you're stupid? you really don't have anything better to do with your lives but read about someone who complains about how stupid you are. probably because you're both narcissists who like to read about their stupid asses just because someone cares enough about them to basically waste their time complaining about them. proof that my mom is only acting like she cares about me too much for me to live MY life the way I want would also be how she used MY BODY WHEN MY DAD WAS KICKING HER STUPID ASS AS A SHIELD. proof of that would be the two surgeries i've had to have on my bowel so far.. i distinctly remember the doctors asking my grandma after i had the FIRST surgery on my bowel, "was she hit in the abdomen region before she started having these pains?" my grandma LIED and CONDONED her and she told me that was around the time when my dad was kicking my mom when he was drunk and violent- SO IT'S ONLY LOGICAL FOR MY MOM TO SELFISHLY BRING ME INTO HER CONFLICT BECAUSE NO ONE GAVE A FUCK OTHERWISE WHEN HE WAS BEATING ON HER! SO JUST BRING YOUR INFANT DAUGHTER INTO THE FIGHT AND USE HER BODY AS A SHIELD WHILE HE'S KICKING YOU! MOTHER OF THE YEAR! she honestly couldn't even handle taking care of her own children responsibly so me and my brother stayed at my grandparents' house around the time i was 12-16.. her other daughter lived with her but ended up getting pregnant at 12 years old! MOTHER OF THE YEAR! i hope it's obvious why i chose to live with my grandparents over her. she doesn't care about anyone but herself and her dogs. she should've just stuck to having dogs and stayed on birth control (which i'm not even sure she has been on at any time in her life.. probably not). she's NEVER apologized or even brought up using me as a shield when my dad kicked her (i can totally understand WHY he was kicking her- there have been a lot of times where i've also wanted to kick her). if she apologized now- i'm not sure it would be genuine since it's been so long.. so i highly doubt i'd accept it. the mother from hell doesn't care about anyone but herself though! why should she apologize?! *rolls eyes* that's also the reason i got PTSD from her. my therapist diagnosed me with it after i started having dreams reminiscing why i had to have all those surgeries on my bowel around the time when i had my second surgery on my bowel.. so she did give me something- PTSD! i still have that dream every now and then. thanks asshole. if anyone actually gave a damn about me- they'd be helping me to get out of the area where i got traumatized.. which happens to be another reason why i've never really wanted to be around my mom. me and my therapist figured that out a while ago. SO CONTINUE NOT CARING ABOUT ME TO ACTUALLY HELP ME FROM BEING TRAUMATIZED! "YOU GOT THIS!".. that's the ridiculous excuse of "support" i'm expected to receive gratefully. what exactly do i "GOT"?! PTSD? nightmares? thanks! so caring! I CAN TELL I'M REALLY LOVED HERE! if i make it without doing something to intentionally get myself killed- it may be a miracle considering the LACK of "care" and "support" i see from my family (except joe- who seems to be the only family member who actually makes the effort to communicate and support me). YOU GOT THIS! you just prove to everyone who's actually sane how my family really doesn't give a fuck about me! (i remember what the doctor (i just seen to write the note for me to drive again) asked me, "what about your family?" IF THEY ACTUALLY FUCKIN CARED ABOUT ME- I'D HAVE MY DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE TWENTY TWO FUCKING YEARS AFTER THE ACCIDENT WHICH GAVE ME A TBI!)